She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
