Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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