i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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