dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
