just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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