i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
We had to coat check the pizza.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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