the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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