that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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