You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
