a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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