Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
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Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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