Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
