So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
