I wish my penis had an off switch
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
