So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
