a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I think I am morally bankrupt
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
