I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
