i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Randomize
