He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
accomplished twins. life is a go
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
