I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Are we still banned from the library?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
