Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
