Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
