i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
