didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
