Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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