oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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