I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
