I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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