I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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