sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
