The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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