whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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