At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
