HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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