Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
