I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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