she smelled like a LAN party
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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