Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
