i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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