How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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