She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
