Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Randomize
