Will you blow on my dice?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
