he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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