last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
