I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Randomize
