I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
