absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Randomize
