Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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