Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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