Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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