I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
