I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
