Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
