my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
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