She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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