Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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