The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
