im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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