so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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