shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
