New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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