Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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