youre lurking in front of me
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
