I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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