I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
