He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize