I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
